Water under the bridge
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: No map, no home, but plenty of time and new sights to see for the few Scoobies who have left for the stars.
1. Chapter 1

**Water under the bridge**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Firefly. **

**The first time they met was rather memorable…**

"You!" River accused loudly.

The one eyed man blinked before looking at her questioningly. "Me?"

"You!" she confirmed harshly.

The crew of Serenity began slowly moving into position and readying weapons in case River had stumbled upon a Core Agent, while the crowds around them ignored them.

"Me?" he snorted as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"You!" she argued her tone pleading.

"Me?" he remarked teasingly, causing her to turn red.

"You?" she asked nervously.

"Me?" he asked back, with an obviously faked air.

The crew exchanged confused looks as they wondered what was going on.

"You," she stated firmly as if coming to a decision.

"Me," he admitted with an infectious grin.

Simon was about to step forward when a red haired woman burst from the crowd, dragging the one eyed man off by his ear.

"What was that about?" Simon asked River, obvious confusion written across his features.

River shrugged then smiled happily.

**The second time they ran into him was just as bad…**

"Quick I need my hair in pigtails," River demanded frantically from Kaylee.

"What now?" Kaylee asked even as she began brushing out River's hair.

"Yeah, it's important. I can't go out there without pullers," she stated firmly.

"Pullers?" Kaylee muttered, wondering why River called them that.

"Quick Wills, I need a frog," the formerly one eyed man said anxiously, drawing Simon's attention to the pair as he waited for Kaylee and his sister to show.

The redhead shuddered, before reaching into her purse to pull out a small green frog which she quickly handed to him. "You'd better have a good reason mister, you know I hate frogs!"

"I have the best," he promised with a smile. "But I've got to hide now."

"Why?" the woman asked, sighing as she noticed he'd vanished.

Simon was about to introduce himself and ask about the man she'd been talking to, when Kaylee and River came down the ramp.

Kaylee was in a simple sundress that took his breath away as usual, as well as scrambling his wits.

He noticed River had her hair in pigtails but then Kaylee smiled at him and he forgot what he was going to say.

Kaylee got a confused expression on her face and it took Simon a second to realize she was looking past him.

He turned and saw the strange man sneaking up behind River with a smile on his face. The man reached out to pull on one of her pigtails and Simon took a deep breath to yell out a warning when River suddenly spun around, yelling "Ha!"

Simon was shocked when the man showed no surprise whatsoever, and instead held out the hand he'd been about to pull the pigtail with, palm flat, showing River something small and green which leaped into her shirt.

"Ha!" the man yelled as River began scrambling frantically to get the frog out of her shirt.

He stood there happily waiting, until River successfully retrieved the errant frog from her clothing and then he started running, laughing all the while, as River chased him, frog in hand.

They circled the ship at least three times before heading off over the hilltop behind the ship.

The sounds of splashing and delighted laughter drifted over the hill.

"What was that about?" Simon asked the red haired woman incredulously.

"No idea," she shrugged.

"Then why did you have a frog in your purse?" he asked, confused.

Kaylee joined the two. "You keep frogs in your purse?"

"Eww, no!" the woman responded. "I don't keep anything in my purse. I just carry the purse because it's convenient to pull things out of." She opened the empty purse wide, showing the two the truth of the matter.

"How about pulling out some strawberries then?" Kaylee asked jokingly.

The redhaired woman reached into her empty purse, pulling forth a small green basket of fresh strawberries; handing them to Kaylee who stared at them stunned.

"That has to be the best sleight of hand I've ever seen," Simon admitted.

Willow rolled her eyes. "Yeah, because I happen to keep fresh strawberries and frogs on me at all times in case anyone asks for them."

Simon frowned, obviously wondering what was going on the fact that she did have strawberries was worrisome, it meant she had to know them well enough to set up the trick, but River didn't act as if it were a trap and she was more than close enough to read them and seemed to like the man with the redhead.

Simon was about to question her when Inara and the Captain came down the ramp.

"Ooh, where'd you get the strawberries?" Inara asked excitedly.

"Her," Kaylee said before quickly returning to devouring her strawberries.

"Yep, me, Willow," Willow answered, rolling her eyes. "I'm a one woman fruit salad, you name the fruit and I pull it from my purse."

"I miss pineapples," the Captain interjected suddenly. "They could only grow them in a few places, then some sort of beetle came by…and poof they were no more."

"Awww," Willow commiserated with him. "That's too bad, have one on me then." She handed the Captain a pineapple from a purse the fruit couldn't possibly have fit in.

The Captain cradled the fruit like a newborn. "How?" he asked incredulously.

Willow shrugged with a grin. "It's a gift."

"Cherries!" Inara challenged her.

Willow smirked, pulling forth a bag of cherries.

"Can I ask for something completely impossible in the way of fruit?" Simon asked intently.

Willow nodded, the fruit trick was so easy she could do it in her sleep and the looks of joy and shock on their faces was fueling an infectious grin.

"On Earth-that-was they had a tree that grew a fruit called a pomegranate. It was somehow overlooked when mankind left, so no one alive knows what it tastes like anymore. But I know how it looks from pictures and I've always wanted to try one."

Willow reached into her bag, pulling forth a bright red fruit, handing it to Simon, who fell unceremoniously on his ass, staring incredulously at the fruit in his hands.

"I am amazed, stunned, scared, and a little thirsty," Simon said.

"Scared?" Kaylee asked.

"Well yeah, either magic is real or I've gone insane."

"You aren't insane," Willow snorted then blinked as a dripping wet River ran past laughing and waving a pair of pants over her head like a banner, while a pantsless man chased after her. "Of course, considering who my friends are, I may not be the best judge."

The group winced back from the noise and blast of another ship landing nearby, as there was limited parking area for ships due to local law. The group was still brushing dust off themselves when the ship's landing elevator came down, depositing a woman with long brown hair on the ground.

"Thanks again, guys," she called into the body of the ship, before stepping off the platform and heading over to Willow. "Hey Willow, what'd I miss?"

Everyone flinched again, as the ship left as abruptly as it had arrived. It was another couple of minutes before anyone attempted to speak, as they concentrated on straightening up.

Dawn looked around worriedly. "Where's Xander? You didn't leave him with Faith did you? You know he can't take care of himself."

Dawn felt someone tap her on the shoulder and when she turned around, she was slapped in the face with a pair of wet pants and found a girl a bit older than herself glaring at her.

"Strange does not mean stupid!" she growled and stomped off angrily, followed by a grinning (and pantsless) Xander, who only shook his head sadly at Dawn on the way past.

"Ok, I might have deserved that," Dawn admitted.

"But we do have to watch over Xander now. Where before he watched over us, and I miss that." She then growled angrily, "and I don't think we're going to find what Xander was looking for. 'A pants stealing River with a patch of brown moss in the shape of a seahorse'."

Willow shrugged. "It was his turn to pick, and we have three more places to check out on this planet before we search the next one. Remember it's sometimes the journey that counts and not the destination, remember the Wizard of Oz?"

Dawn sighed. "I know, I know. It'll probably turn out this entire trip was just to teach me to read a map properly and Faith the correct way to apologize for accidently putting somebody's head through a table." She frowned. "Who is that girl and why does she have Xander's pants?"

"That would be my sister… River," Simon said worriedly.

"Pants stealing River?" Willow began with a grin.

"Patch of brown moss?" Simon said contemplatively, before turning pale as everyone heard from the cargo bay. "It's not a seahorse. It's Serenity, see?"

Simon ran up the ramp, his voice carrying as he said loudly, "River, please get dressed! And you, please put on some pants!"

"And sometimes, it is the destination," Willow said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Do you take passengers?" Willow asked as the doctor was busy making Xander and River get decent.

"Sometimes, but I think we'll need to know a bit more about you first," Captain Reynolds replied a bit numbly, still holding his pineapple like he would a baby.

"How many strawberries can you produce a day?" Kaylee asked eagerly.

Willow giggled. "Tons."

Kaylee shivered and grabbed Willow's hand. "Welcome aboard the Serenity, she's a Firefly class ship and my baby."

"Don't I get a say in this?" Mal asked plaintively as Kaylee drug Willow aboard.

"Apparently not," Dawn replied amused.

"Howdy, I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds of the Firefly Serenity," he said formally as Inara beamed at him.

"I'm Dawn Summers ok in a fight with melee weapons, better with a crossbow, and master level linguist. I spend a lot of time reading and tend to get kidnapped a bit."

"Nice to meet you. What do you mean kidnapped a bit?"

Dawn sighed. "It's like there's an invisible sign over my head that means anyone looking to take a hostage immediately grabs me, it sucks."

"Ok, I doubt you'll have that problem on board. Anyone who comes after the ship finds it easier to take the ship with all hands aboard."

"That will be a nice change of pace," Dawn mused thoughtfully.

"What? Can – oof!" the Captain's breath left him in a whoosh as he was elbowed by the dark haired lady next to him.

"I mean I'd like to introduce you to the ship's long term Companion Inara," Mal said rubbing his stomach.

"Pleased to meet you," the olive skinned woman offered with a smile.

Dawn nodded. "Back at you. You said Companion like it's a title?"

"You don't know what a Companion is?" Malcolm asked, a bit surprised.

"Dictionary definition sure, but the way you said the word means it probably means something more. Also my friends and I come from a society that's had zero contact with yours, so we've missed a lot," Dawn explained.

"Completely separated from the Frontier and the Core?" the captain said. "That would be a sight to see."

Dawn shrugged. "You'll have to ask Willow for the specifics, but it was basically a one way trip with no way back. So we've been wandering the verse for a bit and taking in the sights. But enough about us, what is a Companion?"

"I'll handle this," Inara told Mal. "A Companion is a person specially trained to relieve the stress and worries of others in a variety of situations."

"Ah! Geisha rather than streetwalker with emphasis on the psychological well being of the client," Dawn replied.

"Pardon?" Mal asked, confused.

"Ok, as everyone knows humanity is rather obsessed with sex. It's pretty much written into our DNA, but since we came up with an ungodly number of rules and laws complicating it a profession sprang up offering the necessary service for a monetary value," Dawn explained in detail, trying to phrase everything as politely as possible. "At the lowest level of this profession we have streetwalkers; girls with little training if any."

"Whores," Mal said flatly and winced at sticking his foot in it.

"Not really, that word carries a lot of negative connotations that simply don't fit the profession," Dawn said. "Sex for a value of trade is so common as to be practiced by every human alive. They trade sex for expensive dates, emotional closeness, or even just for a vague acknowledgment as a fellow human being. I reserve the term whore for those who sell out others not themselves."

"Yeah," Mal agreed, perking up as he saw what she meant.

"Now as I said, prostitution with no training is your basic streetwalkers who generally take up the trade to keep themselves fed. As you go up the scale sex takes on less and less importance, just a couple of steps up is an escort where their job is to look good and blend in with social situations and sex is no longer even guaranteed to be part of the job."

"Sounds like Companioning," Mal allowed.

"Stepping up from escort we have very specifically trained sex therapists; who are very much mind healers and has sex with their patients when needed to help straighten out any twists they've got complicating matters."

"Really?" Mal asked, a bit shocked. "Licensed docs and all?"

Dawn nodded. "Requires all the proper medical credentials."

Inara chuckled. "That's also part of our training Mal, it's an eighteen month course all Companions are required to go through and pass before they can become Companions. Of course it's just one of a number of courses we have to take."

Dawn nodded again. "Up from sex therapists a bit we have geisha, who at the highest level were required to help run the government and produce heirs for the ruler."

"Companions are rarely at that level but it's not unknown. Most of the time we provide a pleasant date and help people straighten out their priorities a bit."

"No sex?" Mal asked, quite confused.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Of course there's sex, as humans we're obsessed with it and it's a lot easier to get a man to listen when you've got him by the balls."

"Not only men," Inara pointed out. "I can't tell you how stubborn a couple of the women I helped were until I managed to wear them out a bit."

"You companion women that way?" Mal asked, shocked.

"Yes, I thought you knew that. This isn't going to be a problem is it?"

"No, not at all. I thought it was just a little snuggling not… proper… companioning," Mal replied with a forced casualness that wasn't fooling anyone.

Inara sighed and shook her head. "I can read you better than that. Listen, just companioning one sex is fine, if females are a problem I can just take male clients. There are many companions who only handle one gender, it's not a problem."

Dawn burst out laughing so hard it hurt.

"What?" Inara asked, confused.

Dawn wiped tears from her eyes as she regained her breath. "You're too close to see it."

Inara acted like she'd been slapped. "I've taken great pains to maintain my objectivity and not … Hwoon dahn!"

Mal's eyes almost bugged out. "You swore!"

Inara blushed. "You make my self control go all to hell."

"Well at least we have that much in common," he replied with a grin.

Dawn could easily read the writing on the wall with these two. "You'll have an easier time if you just switch to female clients."

"But he was clearly upset," Inara argued. "I mean he controls his emotions pretty well… sometimes, so when his voice goes off tone like that I know he's upset."

Mal wondered what he could say without eating boot leather.

"I have a test from Earth that was used to determine the truth in situations like this with 100% accuracy," Dawn said. "Want to give it a try? It'll only take a couple of seconds."

"Sure," Inara said, curious about any test that came from Earth that Was. The next thing she knew she was in a heated clench and her training kicked in.

Mal froze in place as he watched the two make out right in front of him.

After a few seconds Dawn pulled back and turned Inara to face Mal, then grabbing Inara's right hand she placed it firmly on his crotch. "He very much doesn't mind you switching to only female clients," Dawn announced.

"I – I thought it was sex for money that upset you?" Inara said, not moving her hand from his crotch. "I thought it was a principles thing?"

"Don't go stickin' me up on no pedestal. I don't like … prostitution because generally it's got some poor young girl down on her luck with no other choice at the base of it and I hate that such a situation exists. I admit I may have unfairly painted companioning with the same brush because it seems there's a lot more to it."

"And not minding me taking female clients?" she asked.

"That's genetic," Dawn broke in. "Other men coming into the picture means competition, other women don't."

"So, you're only human after all," Inara teased.

"Never claimed to be anything but," he replied softly.

Xander and River showed up, dressed and minus Simon.

"You led him to water!" River told Dawn with a bit of shock.

Dawn nodded. "Just had to figure out his handle."

River examined the scene carefully and smiled. "Good, I wanted to go to the bar and Xander didn't," she said before sticking her hand down the front of Xander's pants and dragging him down the road, unnoticed by the three.

"I think a tea ceremony is in order," Inara announced.

**0oOo0**

The three sipped their tea and enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere, keeping the conversation to inconsequential things and just getting to know one another.

"I had a dog once, like most boys, but I left him at home for the war and I got a wave that said he'd passed of old age before I got back. Never seemed right to get another, especially one I'd be dragging all over the verse and back," Mal said.

"We had the most adorable little black cat. Unfortunately there was some unpleasantness involving a crossbow, we never did replace her," Dawn offered.

"I had crickets," Inara smirked at the raised eyebrows. "You see having a cricket in a little bamboo cage was considered good luck. They were clean, didn't take up much space and don't require a lot of attention. I thought they'd be perfect, but no matter what I did they'd die the next day."

She sipped her tea before continuing, "I went through over a hundred crickets and had several experts called in before we discovered what was wrong."

"What was it?" Mal asked, unable to wait any longer.

"Well the perfume I'd had personally designed just for me turned out to be the most narrowly targeted insecticide ever." She grinned.

"Don't tell me." Dawn snickered.

"Yep, the specially tailored and patented perfume I used that was 95 creds an ounce was deadly to crickets." Inara burst out laughing.

"So, what'd you do?" Mal asked.

Inara shrugged. "What could I do? It was as absolutely perfect a perfume for me as could be made, but was deadly to my chosen pets." She grinned evilly as she sipped her tea. "So I sold the formula to the Verse's biggest insecticide company and now when I want to buy more perfume I can get half a liter for a single cred."

"That's brilliant!" Mal declared, grinning wildly while the girls giggled.

"Well now that we're somewhat comfortable with each other lets exchange a bit of crew info," Mal suggested.

Inara nodded. "Introducing them to Jayne without warning would be cruel."

Dawn snickered. "We feel the same way about Faith."

"Jayne is pretty simple," Mal said. "He says what he thinks, has no manners, and likes to shoot things."

"Faith is much the same, except she likes to stab them," Dawn replied.

"Any good in a fight?" Mal asked curiously.

"I've seen her matched but never beaten," Dawn replied.

"Are all of you trained in fighting?" Inara asked.

Dawn nodded. "We were in a long running war against stuff that looked human, but was about as far from human as you could actually get, so well all picked up fighting skills, but most of the things only got annoyed if you shot them, so it's mostly edged weapons and hand to hand."

"Except for the annoyed at being shot part they sound like Reavers," Mal ventured.

Dawn shook her head. "We've ran across Reavers, they're a lot easier to deal with."

"You've run across Reavers?" Inara asked.

"Yeah, we were travelling on a commercial freighter that thought it could save a little time and money by cutting through an area that was marked as a possible reaver threat. Fortunately Xander, the pantsless guy, woke us all up about an hour before they attacked and made sure we were all armed."

Mal and Inara exchanged glances before Mal said, "If you don't mind me saying so, Xander reminds me a lot of River."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Dawn said thoughtfully. "But I thought I was reading too much into it."

"Is he a reader?" Mal asked.

"Reader?"

"Someone who can read minds," Inara explained.

Dawn nibbled on her bottom lip deep in thought for a moment. "I'm not sure, but I don't think so. He can tell what people are thinking, but that's just because he can read body language like it was written on their face. The only thing we know he reads is possibilities."

"Possibilities?" Mal asked curiously.

"He can see what can; could, should, would, and will happen," Dawn explained. "And just about any other word that fits."

"You didn't have to rescue him from a lab in the Core did you?" Mal asked bluntly.

"Huh?" Dawn replied before putting things together. "No, Xander always had the gift. It was a small thing; easily overlooked, but in the final battle we were trapped and even all of Willow's power wasn't enough to get us out without reopening what we'd fought so hard to close, so Xander opened his gift father than any sane person would, or should have been possible for that matter, and found us a way out."

"You love him don't you?" Inara asked gently, hearing the pain in Dawn's voice.

"All of us love him," Dawn said, shaking her head. "And I'm not sure mine should count, since I was created to love him so they could be sure he'd protect me and I'm not opening that can of worms, so let's change the subject and talk about something else."

"Ok," Mal said quickly, feeling empathy for Dawn and her not wanting to talk about her feelings. "How does Willow conjure fruit like that?"

"Willow is a magic user, meaning literally one who uses magic. Female magic users are generally referred to as witches, but really that's misleading if you look at the most common usage of the word, though accurate if you look at the original meaning of the base word it's derived from, because it's really all about knowledge. Willow can do what she does because she knows how to manipulate forms of energy that mankind generally ignores once they reach a certain tech level, because science unlike magic doesn't require you to have a gift for it and always operates the same way."

"You've given this speech a lot, haven't you?" Inara asked with a smile.

"Someone has to. Faith's explanations aren't, Willow's leaves them more confused than when they started, and Xander's response is a bit random these days."

"So anyone who knows how can do it?" Mal asked.

"It helps if you have a gift, to learn different branches, but almost anyone can learn some magic. For instance everyone I know learned how to use sanctuary runes."

"What do those do?" Mal asked, interested.

"Properly carved and cast runes can have any number of effects. The most commonly used setup was designed so our enemies couldn't enter our homes without our explicit invitation. It was pretty amusing when a couple of tax men found they couldn't enter when they tried to push their way in." Dawn snickered at the memory.

"Could you do that for Serenity?" Mal asked.

"Serenity isn't just a home, it's also a place of business, which means it's open to the public, but I can ward the areas considered private quarters where the public isn't allowed to go."

"So people could force their way aboard, but they couldn't attack us in our sleep?" Inara asked.

"If they were in direct line of sight they could shoot or throw things, but they couldn't physically enter the area."

"So if I marked the hall outside the crew quarters as crew only area they couldn't even reach the door?" Mal asked, grinning.

"Exactly, unless they were specifically invited in, but that also includes signs saying come on in or welcome mats saying Welcome. I even recall one case where the enemy could enter because there was a Latin motto welcoming all who sought knowledge to enter over the doorway."

"That's still pretty impressive," Inara offered.

"How long do they last?" Mal asked eagerly.

"As long as the quarters are considered home by the inhabitants, the wards work until physically removed."

"Teach me?" Mal all but begged.

**0oOo0**

"How much for a little slap and tickle?" a large man asked Faith in a friendly voice.

Faith's first instinct was to react violently, but since she was on the prowl for a little fun she decided to get her revenge a different way.

"How'd you know I was a hooker?" Faith purred rubbing up against the guy.

"Didn't," the big man admitted. "But what you're wearing shows you've got the goods, and it would be rude to assume you're just giving it away."

Faith chuckled, this was the first time she'd ever heard an answer to that question that didn't make her want to hurt the person offering it. She almost felt guilty for what she was planning to do to him.

**0oOo0**

"I'm going to drive your brother nuts," Xander said cheerfully as he drank his beer.

"It'll do him good to get out more," River replied. "Do you need gray skin?"

"Nah, too salty," Xander replied, not liking the peanuts they served in bars.

"Captain says a little noise in bars is to be expected if you want to have a good time."

"Yeah, but not till we're done drinking and remember not to appear too good or everyone concentrates on you. Bruises build character."

**0oOo0**

Mal opened the door to the engine room and quickly shut it again, his face red. "I believe Kaylee is showing Willow and Simon the engine room, so why don't we start our tour with the bridge instead?"

"Simon hasn't seen the engine room before?" Dawn asked Inara with a raised eyebrow.

"Not for lack of trying on Kaylee's part, but Simon is from the Core and the glacial speed he was moving to see the engine room made me wonder if he'd ever reach it before the engine overheated and exploded," Inara replied.

Mal groaned.

Dawn nodded. "In cases like that I suggest a tranquilizer gun and a net. When Xander didn't return from Africa for six months, like he was supposed to, I got everything ready to go after him, but he heard what I was up to and rushed home on his own."

"Do you still have that tranq gun and net handy?" Inara asked thoughtfully, causing Mal to stiffen.

**0oOo0**

"Sir, the outsiders have made contact with River Tam."

"That was not unanticipated. Send someone you don't mind losing to infiltrate the crew, preferably one with little to no infiltration skills."

"You want him to be discovered, sir?"

"Yes, but he himself must be kept ignorant of that fact or River Tam will know it. This is simply a reminder that we are watching them to encourage them not to make waves."

"And the outsiders?"

"Have no interest in politics or power and much like Tam's group they can be useful in resolving problems without wasting our own resources."

"Like the situation on Tamandra?"

"Exactly. We had the ship they were on rerouted to Tamandra and they created a cure for the plague that had caused the planet to be quarantined and provided them with three new types of grain that grow in a variety of environments."

"Put like that I can see how they'd be useful."

"Not a tool that is 100% reliable, but a tool all the same."

**AN: Mucho gracias to godogma for typing this up!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Mal was used to having a couple of the crew stumble in drunk as lords after a night on the town, hell half the time he was one of them, but tonight's group took the cake.

**First River and Xander had shown up… **

"We are three little domesticated animals of a normally skittish temperament who are kept as much for their hair as for a source of protein who are currently," River and Xander sang in chorus as they came in, smelling of beer and looking like they'd been in a fight.

"Did you have fun, mei mei?" Mal asked.

River giggled. "It was lots of fun, even if it was a bit salty." Seeing Mal's confusion River explained, "Xander's nuts."

"Well, that explains why he's lost his pants," Mal said kindly and shooed them both aboard.

"You handled that remarkably well," Inara said.

"From what Dawn said, they're a lot alike; enough so I don't have to hover and worry about River being taken advantage of because they're on the same level."

Dawn nodded.

"It was well done in any case," Inara reiterated.

A short while later Jayne came in, something clutched in his hands and tears in his eyes.

"S-she paid me!" Jayne stuttered and continued onward into the ship.

Dawn opened her mouth but Mal spoke up, "No idea and we'll probably sleep better not knowing."

Inara added her two cents, "Years ago I would have said that was a shallow point of view and if a friend was crying you should find out why, but years ago I hadn't met Jayne."

"Does Faith know you guys are going to be staying on board, or is there somewhere you're all supposed to meet up?" Mal asked.

"She doesn't know where we're staying, but she'll show up here anyway; she can sense where we are," Dawn replied.

"How does she do that?" Mal asked.

Dawn opened her mouth but before she could say anything Faith showed up.

"Hey Little-D," Faith greeted her. "You should've come with, it was a blast! I'll tell you about it later, right now I need some sleep and Xander's penis is thataway!" Faith said, pointing at part of the ship before rushing past.

Dawn sipped her tea and waited for Inara and Mal to recover from their first exposure to Faith.

"Did she say…" Mal began.

"Yep," Dawn interrupted.

"She can really?" Inara questioned, waving her hand in the direction Faith headed.

"No idea," Dawn replied. "I'm pretty sure she can sense where we are and is just teasing me but you never know."

The three finished their tea in silence.

"I say we repress all of this and deal with the bits we can't ignore in the morning," Mal suggested cheerfully.

"What a coincidence, I was just thinking the same thing!" Dawn declared, smiling brightly.

Inara giggled.

**0oOo0**

Mal stepped into the ship's dining area and his mouth started watering.

The ship's small table had been covered with a large white tablecloth and was nearly buried in the kind of food you normally had to live on a farm to get: pancakes, butter, syrup, eggs, bacon, gravy, biscuits, fresh fruit, and even a couple of things he'd never seen before. The crew was eating like it was their last meal, which matched up with their new guests who ate the same way. Mal even saw a couple of folks stealing food from each other's plates. Taking a quick head count, he realized someone was missing. "Anyone seen Jayne?"

"Not since he came on board crying last night about some girl paying him," Dawn replied.

"Oops," Faith said, looking guilty for a moment.

"What did you do?" Dawn asked suspiciously, gazing intently at Faith while Xander took advantage of her inattention to steal a sausage patty off her plate.

"Well I ran into a guy who asked how much I charged," Faith began and both Willow and Dawn groaned, expecting the worst, "then I got this really wicked idea that I just had to do..."

"Jayne pick up a few new scars?" Simon asked.

"Only emotional ones," Faith promised to a chorus of groans.

"The smell of breakfast should have roused him from a coma," Kaylee pointed out, "someone is going to have to talk to him."

"One, two, three … not it!" River and the Scoobs quickly chorused, followed by the rest of the table before Mal realized what was going on.

Mal's mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally said, "You're all going to a very bad place I hope you know."

"Yeah, but if we're lucky we'll do it without acquiring mental scars from knowing what Faith did to make Jayne cry," Inara replied.

**0oOo0**

Hidden underground, on a planet that had been glassed, was the complex where the Blue Gloves were trained.

It was rumored that the training was so tough only one in three actually survived; it wasn't true of course, more like one in six. To hide this fact they were forced to use the banned technology of cloning to keep their numbers up.

A large part of that was due to the computerized control program that oversaw their training, it was adapted from a pre Earth-That-Was system running something called Windows, or possibly Aperture – the translation from English to Chinese then back again had confused the issue.

At any rate, it was programmed to ensure that the students learned and followed the philosophy and mindset that all agents were trained in and to ensure the use of cloning tech didn't produce any obvious mutations.

The number of surviving agents had improved a bit since the agent in charge of the program, Samuel Vinitry, had started to debug the AI so it could no longer give out conflicting orders and have those that disobeyed them terminated... quite as often.

Samuel had been an agent so long that his complex issued gloves had faded to violet, and in all that time he had yet to see an agent quite like Julie Crenshaw.

The complex was designed to turn humans into monsters; blue gloved agents would do whatever it took to accomplish their mission regardless of what it cost them. They were allowed no illusions about who they were and what they did, they were monsters one and all. But they were monsters for the sake of humanity, they fought to preserve the Core so that humanity would advance and thrive.

And yet, somehow Agent Crenshaw had graduated; the computer's suggestion that she be terminated for being a mutant with the ability to influence probability was ignored despite the reams of statistical data it offered to back up its assertion.

Agent Vinitry looked over the graduating class; 18 perfect lines of 16 year old agents standing at attention, fully decked out in matte black combat outfits with the bright blue gloves that were their trademark.

Not a single one of the 180 graduates so much as twitched while he inspected them, something that would have been obvious as the customary black trench coat would have shown any such movement.

Walking down the rows he stopped in front of Julie Crenshaw, Julie Crenshaw who only looked a year or two older than the agents surrounding her despite being 32, having been put through the program twice, her own gloves already beginning to shade into indigo.

Where all the other recruits had neutral expressions on their faces she wore a bright and happy smile.

**0oOo0**

Mal knocked tentatively on Jayne's door, hoping he wouldn't hear so he could join everyone else at breakfast claiming Jayne didn't answer.

"Come in!" Jayne called out.

Mal winced, "Ta ma de!" he cursed.

**AN: Typing by Godogma! Because I hate typing that's why!**


	4. Chapter 4

Mal took a deep breath and entered Jayne's cabin, prepared for nearly anything but what he saw.

Jayne smiled widely at Mal and showed him a notepad filled with phrases like; 'Jayne, hero of Mud Town – from there to your bed', 'Jayne: a feminine name for the manliest of men', and even a simple 'Jayne: man-ho for hire'.

"What do you think?" Jayne asked as he handed Mal the notebook.

Mal looked through the various phrases and noticed some surprisingly good artwork off to the side that he thought was doodles until he took a closer look; there were some that looked like it belonged on a Core wall somewhere that managed to convey Jayne's face in just a few lines that quite frankly impressed the hell out of him.

"I know painting and such is a bit girly," Jayne began.

Mal interrupted him, pointing out the one he liked, "The only way that could be more manly is if you painted it with your dick. It's as male as you can get; simple, straightforward and easy to understand, without any of that fru fru crap."

"And the title?" Jayne asked, eager as a puppy waiting to be walked.

"Just like the picture, use the simple straightforward one," Mal suggested, wondering what was going on.

"Thanks Mal!" Jayne declared, rushing Mal out of his quarters.

Mal stood in the hall for a moment, staring at the closed door before breaking out in a grin; he'd managed to get away with no new mental scars and now he could eat breakfast in peace.

Returning to the ship's dining area he sighed mournfully, as all the food was gone and the crew and passengers just laid there too stuffed to move.

Willow saw the look on his face and chuckled before muttering something too low for anyone to hear clearly as a giant plate of food materialized on the table.

Mal was a bit shocked at seeing visible magic; as it had been in the back of his mind that the bit with the pineapple could have been a bit of forbidden tech, of course this didn't stop him from quickly digging in as he saw the crew eying his plate.

"So, what happened with Jayne?" Inara asked.

"No idea," Mal replied in between bites, "he's happy as I've ever seen him and rushed me out after asking my opinion on some artwork he drew."

"Jayne?" Simon asked doubtfully.

"Yep," Mal confirmed, "and it weren't half bad either."

"Everyone has hidden depths if you know where to look," Inara interjected serenely.

"Yeah, but this Jayne!" Kaylee complained, "He's not allowed to have hidden depths, it's against the laws of man and god."

"He drew something and I think it fits him rather well; it was like those old flimsies of cave art where with just a line or two they'd draw the spirit of something."

"I'd like to make a snide comment, because this is Jayne who believes culture is something you go to the doctor to get cured of; but I can see how that type of artwork would suit him perfectly," Simon reluctantly admitted.

"So… he's not upset?" Faith asked curiously.

"Nope, whatever you did may have upset him last night but Jayne's a simple man. Not much upsets him for long," Mal replied.

A couple of minutes later a grinning Jayne popped his head in. "I gotta go do something, be back by lunch. Bye!"

"Anyone volunteering to find out why Jayne is so happy?" Mal asked.

River quickly climbed inside Xander's shirt before anyone could ask her.

"I'm on my period," Xander explained solemnly as he stood up and waddled off.

"Finding out why he's so happy could be as mentally damaging as why he was sad," Simon warned while Faith rolled her eyes.

Dawn's eyes followed Xander's retreating form. "We could just wait until it either goes away or explodes," she suggested absently.

"Vote for avoidance and ignorance as long as possible?" Willow asked hopefully.

"Aye!" everyone chorused.

"Motion carried," Willow declared, "so, what are our plans?"

"Well, you can teach Simon and Kaylee how to do sanctuary runes and show them how to ward their quarters while I do the same with Inara and Mal," Dawn suggested.

"Sounds good," Mal said perking up, "after that we can send a wave out for a new pilot, unless one of you is one?"

"Our skills mainly involve hitting things with sharp bits of metal," Faith offered.

"A new pilot?" Kaylee asked sadly.

"We need a pilot," Mal said quietly.

"You don't have a pilot?" Willow asked, wondering how they got around without one.

"River's a good pilot," Simon spoke up defensively.

"Yes she is," Mal said firmly to cut off any further protest the rest of the crew might have made, "but I've also seen her get up in the middle of landing and walk off. I ain't saying we replace her, I say we get a backup pilot so when River decides to go do something else they can take over."

"It's going to be hard to find someone who'll fit in," Kaylee said grudgingly.

"Yeah it is," Mal agreed, "so the sooner we start looking the faster we'll find him. I figure we might as well start looking now since Zoe ..."

"Who knows, we may get lucky!" Kaylee interjected brightly trying to change the subject, since Zoe leaving was a sore point with Mal though everyone agreed raising a kid on a ship wasn't a good idea.

oOo

Julie Crenshaw hummed while she planned out how to infiltrate Serenity; she had half the table covered in pages of data and plans with titles like, 'Infiltrate Serenity Plan #12, Seduce member of crew and marry them by local custom.' and the other half with waffles as she ate breakfast.

"More coffee?" the waitress asked.

"No, I'm good," Julie said cheerfully before a beep from her palm pal let her know something of interest had just been discovered.

oOo

"Okay; now, why should we hire you?" Mal asked the scruffy teen as he sat inside the overlarge closet he was using as an interview room.

"Hire me? I was just going to ask how much you charge for passengers," the boy replied.

"Passengers?" Mal asked.

"Yeah, I'd give my right arm to get off this rock and onto one of the Core worlds."

"Unless we get paid a lot of credits we stick to the fringes."

The kid sighed and slunk out the door.

Sticking his head out he saw that half of the crowd of twenty plus people were kids, who probably wouldn't need to shave for a few years yet.

"I'm looking to hire a pilot, not book passengers and it ain't likely that we'll be headed toward the Core for years to come," Mal announced, causing most of the crowd to leave.

Looking at the seven who were left, he waved at the next one in line; a young man with three days stubble on his face who seemed to at least know something about military bearing.

"So, why should we hire …" Mal began when he heard a noise and poked his head out of the room.

The line had shortened by one and there was someone groaning at the foot of the ramp; figuring he must have tripped while leaving, Mal ignored it.

"Okay, now as I was saying..." Mal began again only to sigh as he heard another thump from outside the room and stuck his head out once more.

The bald man who had been second to last outside was now unconscious at the foot of the ramp, collapsed atop the guy who'd fallen down the ramp.

The girl at the back of the line smiled cheerfully at him while the three men in front of her looked at her nervously.

Shrugging Mal returned his attention to the man he was interviewing. "So, why should we hire you as a pilot?"

The sounds of fighting and a muffled scream came from outside, but Mal ignored them.

"I've got over a decade flying experience," the man replied, "mostly on older ships, if not quite as old as this one. I've never crashed one nor been thrown off a ship, save the last one, because the Captain said I was making time with his wife."

"Were you?" Mal asked curiously.

The man's face contorted in disgust. "Good god, no! If you'd ever seen her you'd understand why I say that I'd rather be spaced than be stuck in the same room with her."

"Seriously?"

"You know how some ugly women make up for it by having a great personality?"

"Yeah," Mal agreed.

"She ain't one of them. No, the Captain got a chance to hire a good lookin' woman he'd seen on the side once or twice. I got the old heave ho, and I decided if he was going to spit on my loyalty and service I'd clue his wife in. So I got blacklisted to boot."

"Sounds reasonable to me," Mal said, "so far you've got the most promise of the prospective pilots, but then again you're also the first I've interviewed."

"Well I'm happy to hear that," the man said as Mal escorted him out.

The two froze as they stared at the pile of unconscious interviewees and the smiling girl with the brown hair who was dressed almost exactly like one of the blue gloves; the only real difference being her indigo gloves and from what Mal could recall from the ones he'd run across they were very picky about their uniforms.

"I guess you're the next interviewee, by the process of elimination," Mal said dryly, wondering what was going on.

"Julie Crenshaw," she offered, holding out a hand to shake.

Mal shook it gingerly. "You aren't planning on knocking out everyone who applies are you?"

"I've got some shopping still to do and some information to pick up to make myself indispensable to the crew," she explained, "so I had to speed up things a little."

"So I don't have to worry about you knocking out, Tony?"

"Getting arrested for attacking a local law enforcement officer would take even more time out of my schedule than making time for you to interview them," Julie said pointing at the mound of bodies.

"What?" Mal asked, looking at Tony suspiciously.

"Craig Thompson is a lieutenant in the local constabulary and in charge of investigating any smuggling that's going on."

"Well… Go se," Craig said with a sigh.

"That's one way of putting it," Mal said.

"We aren't a smuggling vessel," Mal said, "we don't go anywhere where smuggling would be profitable, except harmful drugs and the like that anyway, but we don't touch that."

"There are reports of you rescuing someone who was being kept in a top secret and very illegal laboratory, for use in immoral experiments," Julie said cheerfully as River and Xander came aboard arguing in some strange language while Dawn explained to Inara what the language was.

"Julie!" Xander exclaimed happily before snatching her up in a hug and bending her over for a tonsil cleaning kiss.

"Ahem!" River said, tapping Xander firmly on the shoulder.

Xander stepped to the side as River stepped forward and exclaimed "Julie!" before sweeping the girl up in a tonsil cleaning kiss.

A half a minute later the two were on their way again as if nothing had happened, discussing Shakespeare in Klingon.

"I think I'll like working here!" Julie declared brightly, handing the Captain a folder and leaving.

"Who was that?" Inara asked.

"Looks to be our new pilot," Mal declared dryly.

"Who's this then?" Dawn asked.

"Undercover officer, checking for smuggling."

"Is he here for Jayne or Simon?" Inara asked.

"Neither, and what do you mean Simon? Jayne I can see breaking laws just by being himself, but Simon?"

"Insists on having a fully functional and stocked med-bay and you know how regulations are outside of hospitals," Inara explained.

Craig perked up. "Is he fully trained? Please say he is."

"Yeah, Core trained and all," Mal said.

"Thank the gods!" Craig exclaimed. "How much would he charge to give some training to our emergency response team?"

"Knowing Simon; not much," Mal admitted, "he likes to use his training."

The undercover officer beamed. "I can't tell you how happy this makes me. Feel free to smuggle anything except children or organs."

"Things that bad around here?" Dawn asked, wondering what she'd missed.

"No, but our emergency response team's training was done by books and holos, so anywhere they show up to practice is an emergency as far as I'm concerned. Well, it was nice meeting you all but I have half a shift left and two more ships to check. Send the doc along when you get the chance and we'll let him raid the forbidden property locker as payment," the officer babbled out before leaving with a spring in his step.

"I think I need a drink," Mal declared shaking his head.

"I'll join you!" Faith said brightly.

"When did you get here?" Dawn asked.

"When he offered to spring for drinks," Faith replied, dragging a protesting Mal off.

"We'd better go keep them out of trouble," Inara said with a chuckle.

"Ah foolish optimism," Dawn said with a grin as they followed the pair, "I remember when I said something similar and actually believed it."

"Everyone's gone now," River said with a smile.

"For the next two and a half hours," Xander agreed.

"Wanna play doctor?"

"Okay but no hogging the stethoscope."

**AN: Typing by Godogma!**


	5. Chapter 5

"You do know we're going to have to bail Faith out of jail in the morning, right?" Dawn asked.

Mal chuckled. "That's convenient, cause no doubt that's where we'll be picking up Jayne."

Inara giggled as they walked up the ramp, despite her attempts to stifle it as she leaned on Mal's arm.

Kaylee and Simon followed, both of them with dopey grins on their faces, still quite ecstatic about reaching the next step in their relationship.

Willow followed the group, humming a song she wasn't quite sure of the words for.

The group stopped as they saw Xander and River, dressed in medical scrubs, paging through notebooks.

Mal opened his mouth to say something when River screamed out, "Yes, yes! That's the spot!" making him jump.

"Oh yeah! Keep doing it just like that," Xander moaned out.

"What in the nine hells are you doing?" Mal exclaimed.

"Rehearsal," the pair chorused.

"OK," Mal said slowly, "well, you have fun with that."

Julie came on board carrying a duffle bag that she dropped in order to catch the notebook River tossed her.

River moaned like she was having an orgasm and Xander made a growling sound.

"Move a little more to the left," Julie read cheerfully. "I need to turn on the aft relays."

"Like this?" Xander growled lustfully.

"Perfect," Julie and River chorused in completely different tones of voice.

Deciding they'd rather not know, the group left the three in the cargo bay… rehearsing.

Simon and Kaylee paused at the door to her quarters.

"So, here we are," Simon said nervously, not wanting to presume anything, but wanting to spend the night with her.

Kaylee began to get nervous, wondering if Simon had just gone along with things earlier because Willow was there.

Willow rolled her eyes and pushed the two into Kaylee's quarters. "See you two in the morning."

"Thank you!" Simon called out as the door closed and Kaylee pulled him onto her bed.

Inara drug Mal down the hall.

"Sure this ain't the drink?" Mal asked.

"We can wait till morning when I'm completely sober where I'll throw you on the table in the dining room and mount you for all to see or we can go to your bunk now," Inara said pleasantly.

"My bunk," Mal said instantly.

"Good call," she purred.

Dawn and Willow continued on to their new quarters.

"I could use a nice, hot bath right now," Dawn said wistfully.

"Xander's growling?" Willow asked with a smirk.

"Something like that," Dawn admitted, blushing.

"I know how it is," Willow said, with a far off look in her eye.

"Doubt it," Dawn replied. "I've had fantasies about him since before I technically existed."

"My first wet dream was about him, when I was twelve," Willow challenged.

"Ditto."

"And since I'm older, I've obviously had more fantasies about him than you have," Willow said smugly.

"Oh, really?" Dawn asked doubtfully, as they entered Willow's quarters to continue the conversation, "I once had a fantasy in the middle of gym class…"

oO0Oo

"OK, have we got all our supplies onboard?" Mal asked over the ship's com system from the dining room.

"Yes, including a large amount of contraband that the local officers insisted I take," Simon reported from the medbay, where he was making sure Xander and River hadn't made a mess of his supplies, despite their reassurances that they'd only used his stethoscope, reflex hammer, and some scrubs.

"Remind me to go through that before our next stop."

"Will do, Captain."

"Everything is shiny in the engine room, Captain. Willow and me got her purring like a kitten."

Mal took a sip of coffee and looked over at Inara and Dawn, who were discussing something about the origin of the current linguistic system.

"Co-Pilot locked and loaded, but the pilot and… pilot stress relief officer act like we aren't launching for hours," Julie announced.

Mal and Dawn looked at each other and groaned. "We gotta bail Faith/Jayne out of jail."

"I'll join you," Julie offered from the bridge. "I have a way with law enforcement."

oO0Oo

"I'm Mal, captain of the Serenity. I'm here for two of my crew," Mal said politely, hoping he was going to be dealing with a reasonable constable and not one of the usual idiots he seemed doomed to run across.

"Well Captain," Sergeant Jansen sneered at the word captain, "we don't take kindly to law breakers around here, especially foreign law breakers."

"We haven't said who it is yet and in a settlement this big I'm pretty sure you have more than just two people from out of town in jail," Dawn pointed out, annoyed.

"And maybe we got some empty cells that need fillin'," the sergeant began only to freeze as Julie shoved her gun in his nose.

"Good morning, Sergeant Jansen," Julie said pleasantly. "You have two prisoners who you are to produce promptly or I'm going to pull the trigger."

Jansen hit the intercom button. "I need the two members of the Serenity ready to be released immediately."

"Julie," Dawn asked carefully. "What are you doing?"

"Expediting matters," Julie said cheerfully.

"How is getting us locked up, for threatening local the local law, speeding things up?" Mal asked, keeping an eye out for witnesses.

The door behind the sergeant opened and Faith came out, yawning and scratching herself, along with another officer who seemed completely unconcerned with Jansen's situation.

"Is it morning already?" Faith asked.

Julie waved cheerfully with her free hand.

"Is anyone concerned that this woman has a gun in my nose?" Jansen asked tersely.

"Not really," the other officer said. "With the way you like to treat 'outsiders'. I'm surprised she didn't shoot you in the leg first to get your attention. Besides, look at her outfit. Core agents have complete legal authority to do pretty much anything they please."

"Can I see your badge, please?" Jansen asked carefully.

"I'm sorry, your security rating is insufficient to access that information," Julie replied. Truthfully, her current undercover status meant all records of her were classified, Indigo level and above. "That's why I stuck my gun in your nose. I'm authorized to shoot you, but not to show you documents beyond your security rating."

"Do you have to shoot me?" Jansen asked anxiously.

"I don't have to," Julie replied after a few moments of thought. "But your records clearly show a marked belligerence towards anyone not from the local area, so shooting you would really speed up our departure, as the officer who replaces you is much more likely to put duty above any distaste for people born elsewhere."

"I could forgo my personal distaste this once, saving you the time needed to replace me," he quickly offered.

"You'd do that for me?" Julie asked hopefully.

"Yes, Mam," Jansen offered promptly, causing her to withdraw the gun.

"We have Faith, but where's Jayne?" Mal asked, deciding to just go with the flow this time.

"Big, rough looking man?" the officer who'd brought in Faith, whose badge read Officer Thompson, asked.

"Sounds like him," Mal agreed.

"He was arrested for advertising for prostitution by passing out business cards, but he pointed out that according to the law it was only illegal to advertise for women's services and he was advertising his own. He talked Sergeant Sagat, who was going off duty, into hiring his services," Thompson explained.

"I'd been working on getting her to go out with me for weeks too," Jansen groaned.

"He had a great line," Thompson said. "I am a man-ho, that means you get to skip the bad date and go straight to the wham-bam until you say 'Thank you, man' and I won't be hanging around making puppy dog eyes at you when all you wanted was a one night stand."

"And that worked?" Mal asked in shock.

"Perfectly; he even said she got to choose what to pay him after they were done, based on how good a job he did."

Mal's com buzzed and he answered it, while Faith explain how she'd ended up in jail, this time, "I was last one standing after the brawl, but my shirt got torn all to hell, so they nailed me for public indecency."

"Jayne's back at the ship," Mal announced. "Let's pay Faith's fine and get to steppin'."

"No fine," Thompson said waving it off. "Standard procedure is the same as public drunkenness, stick them in the cell till morning or someone comes for em."

"Well it was nice meeting you all," Julie said cheerfully. "But we really have to go if we want to make our flight window."

"Bye," the two officers chorused, one much more cheerfully than the other.

oO0Oo

"I can't believe you got away with saying they weren't cleared to see your ID," Dawn snickered as they headed back to ship.

"Bureaucracy," Julie shrugged. "It seems to have a negative effect on people's IQs."

"How'd you get Jansen's records?" Mal asked.

"I'm an expert hacker," Julie said proudly. "So while I was out hunting down records for an abandoned shipyard, I hacked into the local government database to see if anyone would give us any trouble when we bailed Jayne or Mal out of jail."

"I don't get arrested all that often," Mal complained.

"Shipyard?" Dawn asked curiously.

"During a border skirmish about eighty years ago, Core forces used the first Q series bomb on Otlan Five," Julie began.

"They glassed it?" Mal interrupted.

"No they hadn't perfected the Q series yet. The Q series bomb was designed to be a neutron bomb, killing people but leaving all the buildings intact."

"How'd it go from that to glassing a planet?"

"Well this being their first test they discovered it worked almost exactly as they wanted. It killed all the people and left the buildings untouched, but it also left everything as hot as a reactor. So the design was altered to insure it didn't leave unacceptable amounts of radiation behind, so the worlds could be reclaimed later."

"How's melting everything an improvement?"

"Because it doesn't kill anything beneath the surface, like the first one did. Any planet with a halfway decent seasonal variation will cause cracks in the glass that plants will grow in making more cracks, so in fifty years you have a planet devoid of animal life, but teeming with plants and fish, ready for occupation."

"The only worlds the Core glassed in the last war were the ones closest to it. Do you mean to tell me the war wasn't about succession but was just a huge land grab scam?" Mal asked in shock.

Julie shrugged. "It was probably nine-tenth succession and one-tenth planning for future Core expansion, but we're getting off topic. Otlan Five was hit with the very first Q series bomb, leaving it untouched but radioactive, eighty years ago. Since then the border shifted away from that sector of space and all that's remembered is that the planet was hit with a Q bomb. In other words, glassed."

"So, what's on Otlan Five and what do we do about the radiation?" Dawn asked, seeing where Julie was heading.

"The fragmented report I read said it would be at least eighty years before the radiation died down to safe levels," Julie said with a grin. "And as for what's there… it was the headquarters and main manufacturing yard for the Hotaru con-glom."

"Hotaru con-glom?" Mal asked.

"Hotaru…" Dawn said thoughtfully. "Isn't that Japanese for firefly?"

"Firefly?" Mal asked intently

"Their flagship product," Julie smirked. "We'll need to be well stocked on food and fuel, cause it's really off the beaten path, but it should have all the parts you'll ever need to keep Serenity flying."

Mal's mouth opened and closed but no sounds came out.

"So, have I made myself an indispensable member of the crew yet?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Water Under the Bridge – Chapter 6**

Normally the crew of the Serenity would listen in to the familiar launch routine during takeoff, a comforting sound for most.

Not so much today…

"Yes, yes!" River moaned loudly, her clothes scattered about and sweat dripping down her skin.

"Is everything okay up there?" the traffic controller asked. "I hear moaning."

"Everything's fine and dandy," Julie assured him moving River's foot onto her shoulder and away from her face, "my copilot is just having loud sex with the morale officer in the pilot's seat about a foot from me, well most of them is that far away from me, a couple of bits are..."

"During takeoff?" he asked incredulously.

"The ship vibrates really well then," Julie replied cheerfully. "Besides there's no rule against it."

"Roger that, Serenity." He decided he really didn't need to know any more. Pilots were all insane as far as he could tell anyway.

0oOo0

"Are you okay?" Mal asked when Willow shuddered and bit her lip.

"Yeah!" Willow panted her face turning red. "I'm just a bit sensitive."

"Want me to get some stomach settlers from the doc?" Mal offered setting his coffee down.

"Not that kind of sensitive," Willow moaned her nails digging into edge of the table. "River's projecting."

"Is she okay?" Mal demanded and flipped on the com.

"Yes! Yes!" River's voice moaned loudly, while Xander's moans were audible but muffled by something.

And promptly flipped it back off.

"Throw up a shield," Dawn suggested a little jealousy in her tone.

"Can't concentrate enough," Willow gasped.

"I've seen you throw up a shield with a knife in your shoulder!" Dawn complained.

"It's not a knife I'm feeling," Willow panted. "And it's a long way from my shoulder." She shuddered and threw back her head, her back arching involuntarily.

"I'll be in my bunk!" Jayne announced, standing up and walking stiffly out of the room.

Faith stood up a moment later. "I'll be in his bunk," she announced and followed him with a leer on her face.

0oOo0

"So she really felt all that?" Mal asked Dawn reluctantly, not sure if he really wanted confirmation, as Willow started coming to.

Dawn nodded with a scowl.

"She must have been feeling really good to make Willow pass out from that distance," Inara drawled fanning herself.

Julie walked in with rubbery legs and a satisfied smile. "You should try feeling it from less than a foot away."

"How did you manage to fly and feel that at the same time?" Dawn asked wide eyed.

"I've trained very hard to be able to do my duty no matter what I'm feeling," Julie answered cheerfully as she helped herself to a cup of coffee. "That doesn't mean I don't need to change into a clean pair of underwear now; it just means I can do the job during."

Everyone stared as Julie downed her coffee, not even waiting for it to cool and left.

Dawn shook her head. "Everyone gets to feel what it's like to have sex with Xander but me; stupid morals."

0oOo0

"I want to spar," River told Faith, shooting her puppy dog eyes, as the crew was sitting around the dining table with the exception of Julie, who was in the cockpit.

"Normal people can't keep up with you mei-mei," Mal said gently.

"Sounds like fun," Faith said, ignoring Mal. "I'm in."

"I got twenty on the moon-child," Jayne said, tossing a cred chip on the table.

"Faith …" Mal wondered how to put it, before saying, "I love River dearly, but if she loses control the doc will have his work cut out for him putting you back together."

Faith laughed, "I'm sure I can hold my own."

"I'll take that bet," Dawn said to Jayne with a smirk, tossing a cred chip up to match it.

"I'll be careful," River promised. "I'm not getting enough exercise, even if that old earth-that-was Deli book says I can with a little more effort, if I learn to dislocate my joints at will."

"Twenty on River," Simon said, tossing his own credits in.

"Faith," Willow said, joining in after a second of thought.

"Julie!" Xander exclaimed, surprising everyone with his own contribution.

"Really?" River asked, before nodding and tossing in twenty credits as well. "Julie!"

"River honey, it's just you and Faith sparring," Kaylee said before tossing in twenty. "River."

"Xander needs to stretch too, though his null-g idea sounds fun too, if Willow doesn't mind providing the donuts. Donuts are better than dot books no matter how long ago they were written," River explained.

"I got no problem with a three way," Faith teased, "or a four way if Julie wants to join."

"River," Inara said firmly as she tossed in her twenty.

"I … River," Mal conceded, knowing this was a bad idea as he dug through his pockets for the credits.

0oOo0

Xander, Faith, and River stood like the points of an equidistant triangle in the center of the cargo hold still as statues.

Suddenly, Xander ducked and rolled to the side, just before Faith tried for a side kick while keeping her guard up, wary of River.

River's attempt to foot sweep Faith was neatly avoided as she flipped out of the way and Xander caught and turned her foot making River follow or have her ankle twisted. River's mule kick caught Faith who was attempting to stomp Xander who rolled backward out of the way.

The crew of Serenity watched in shock as Faith and River moved at speeds that were hard to follow and Xander somehow managed to avoid everything while moving at a normal, albeit fast, speed.

"What the hell?" Jayne asked, pretty much summing up the thoughts of the crew.

Willow chuckled and brushed her hair out of her face. "Faith is actually holding back. She still doesn't trust herself not to accidentally hurt them."

Dawn grinned and leaned on the railing of the catwalk. "And Xander can see what is going to happen."

"While River can read their minds and see what they're going to do," Kaylee added in amazement.

The Captain's com beeped and he answered it, "Yeah?" he asked not taking his eyes off the fight before him.

"Where is everybody?" Julie asked.

"Faith, River and Xander are having a free for all in the cargo bay," he replied absently his eyes glued to the scene.

"Really? I'm on my way!" Julie said excitedly.

Mal and Inara looked at one another and realized they'd been had by Xander and River.

"Wait a second," Inara said turning to Willow. "If Xander can see the future, why did you and Dawn bet on Faith?"

"He's not always right," Willow replied her eyes following Faith's backflip as she avoided a side kick from Xander and Rivers attempt to sweep them both. "Constantly in motion the future is," she quoted a little green muppet.

"The further into the future the less accurate he is," Dawn explained. "And you can see how good Faith is."

"It's like poetry," Jayne said as he watched the three, shocking everyone, as those that knew them were pretty sure the closest he got to poetry would be the type of limericks that involved a lady from Venus or a man from Nantucket.

"It is," Kaylee agreed leaning against Simon, as the three fought like it was a choreographed dance they'd been practicing for years.

The door opened behind them and Julie bounded in, pausing to take a good look at the current match before shrugging off her heavy leather trench, revealing a tight black body stocking, and little else, before diving in – literally as she leapt off the catwalk and flipped into the midst of the melee.

The fight's pitch changed instantly and Jayne was the first one to start laughing, as what was poetry now was more akin to the three stooges, as shoelaces were tripped on and buttons popped open, while Julie danced through the resulting chaos with a bright smile and speed to rival River's.

"How the …" Mal trailed off and looked over at Willow, who shrugged.

Xander slipped and rolled out of the way of Faith and Julie's rapid footwork, while River followed trying to hit him while he was down.

"I can see the future in your eyes," River teased breathlessly, as the two squared off against one another adrenaline rushing through their veins.

"And I can change the tune," Xander panted agreeably, "but reading minds leaves you wide open for … this!"

River froze.

"What's he doing?" Simon asked as Xander just stood there holding a finger against his temple and staring into River's eyes.

"She can read minds, so he's probably thinking something at her," Dawn guessed her brow furrowed in thought.

"C'mon River, I've got twenty riding on you!" Jayne called out, snapping her out of her trance.

River's hand flashed out, smacking Xander's finger away from his temple.

"Woo Hoo!" Jayne cheered.

And then River started calmly walking away with Xander obediently following wiping sweat off his face with the bottom of his shirt. "We'll be in my bunk!" she called out as they climbed the stairs.

"What happened? I thought you were going to win?" Jayne demanded angrily as they started to walk past him.

"If I won I'd lose the bet and waste time I could be using to try some of the things Xander was just thinking," she declared before continuing on.

Jayne nodded, and began to grin. "Girl's got some sense at least."

Kaylee smiled and kissed Simon on the cheek. "You are being so mature about this."

"It helps that she seems to be in charge and that I have a whole lot of ulcer medicine," Simon admitted with an awkward smile.

"Remember to share," Mal said, making Inara chuckle.

Faith slipped yet again on a patch of sweat and used her superior strength and speed to regain her feet before Julie could take advantage of it to call time. "How do you do that?" she demanded incredulously, knowing that something strange was going on.

Julie just shrugged and wiped sweat from her forehead, while smiling brightly at her. "I'm just lucky I guess."

**AN: A bit short, but I felt like tossing something up. Typing by Godogma.**


End file.
